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I find myself going back to examine where I last left off, when I was so sure of what God is calling me to do. Revisiting my theme song for 2005 (refer to blog entry dated Feb 15 2006) was quite a quiet downer, especially after the realisation that I've allowed myself to be swayed left and right by different voices, noises and choices.
Where was my single-minded focus on God? Where was my resolve to be sold out for Christ, a quiet but firm resolve I once made whilst standing in the middle of the strong waves in Sri Lankan waters? To be a fool for Him even if it means the journey I'm on is a lonesome one and I might be widely misunderstood?
Frankly, I don't know how to respond to questions like "what next" or "how are you". Even more so because this wilderness journey I'm on is foreign to many, perhaps new, or personal to each one, however God leads, yet there is danger in isolating oneself without accountability from the community/body of Christ. Which is a key concern among CG leaders for their flock. Perhaps its my uncommunicative side being heightened in the midst of greater uncertainty and doubts, thus the reclusive tendency is increased as well.
But one thing is certain: I need to get back to my roots. Notwithstanding ministry and service which I have been feeling ineffective in, I've reached the conclusion that in order for me to remain rooted, I need to dig deeper and build my foundation in God's word. I've come to a plateau in my personal devotions, not having the ability to delve deeper in the Word. Perhaps it's correlated to my prayer life. But I believe it's for the better. As one matures, to find the keys to unlock the treasures for the next phase, to discover what else (what other sin/unsurrenderedness) is inhibiting progress and intimacy with God.
And undergirding the spiritual realm, is very much the physical realm. How we discipline ourselves physically does have an effect on our spiritual growth. With each valley and mountain I descend and climb up, I get one constant message - to clean up and order my physical life!
So there, I begin my spring cleaning. From my ever-messy room (yes, again, left half-cleaned from the last time), to my dietary habits, to my daily routine, to all there is to order.
As for delving deeper in the Word? There's one thing on my mind to do. Will share more when there's clarity 
 | You are faithful & I believed Your Word is true
You have never left Your children begging
You are faithful & my heart ascends to You
As I lift my voicee to praise your name
Chorus
Oh I love you
No matter what I see
No matter what I hear
No matter what it seems to be
Oh I love you
No matter what I know
No matter how the winds of life may blow
this one thing I know, this one thing i know
that You are faithful |
 | Yes, ps, thanks for introducing this song the last time.. it has left a deep imprint in my life because of its words :) |
| Welcome Ade. Our walk with God is a journey & not a destination. Continue to pursue Him cos He's worth everything! Smile :) |
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